Neighborhood

I am well pleased with my neighborhood. I would say that it is mostly middle class families, well really all. No huge monstrosities. I like that. I do not own this house anyway. But still, this is a great place because all kinds of people live here. There are elderly folks, young folks, newly weds, singles, middle age folks, really the whole mix. Even BETTER though is that there are all kinds of nationalities! I LOVE that! Man it makes me feel a little closer to heaven when I see children of different races playing basketball outside TOGETHER, or racing off the school bus excited TOGETHER, or running and riding on scooters TOGETHER. I do not think I am going to let my kids play with white kids, unless its family. ha. Joking. But really though, sometimes its the little things like that that really make it seem like there is hope in such a socially broken world. Silent unity.

If you will...

Please pray for me.

I am really struggling right now. Not just with one thing but several... faith, knowing when to speak and when not to, trusting, budgeting, financial mess, car trouble, work drama, fear, anxiousness, pain, anger, love- displaying it and desiring it. I just feel like I am messing a bunch of stuff up or have the potential to, and want to honor the Lord but do not know how. I feel like I am not as honest as I once thought or hoped I was. I make decisions based on convienience or what will impress or satisfy people for the moment being and fail to live an honest and simple life. I feel like there are depths that need to be peeled and burned and refined. I am tired of this season and greatful for it all at once yet I desire full deliverance. I desire to do whats right all the time and to know what that even looks like. I desire not to be hasty and not to be self seeking. I also have ants which doesn't sound like a big deal, but I am more afraid of them than I am of spiders. I couldn't sleep last night because of all of this build up fear and anxiety. I just feel extremely attacked right now coming full speed from all directions and fearing I am out there alone to take the blow.

Yet I know that the Lord is greater, I know He is my portion, I know He loves me greatly, I know He is my deliverer and defender. I just need the faith to trust it right now when I feel everything but that. So, I really do not even know if anyone reads, but if you do, please pray for me. If you can think of a more Christ honoring way to pray for me than the way I have asked you to please do that. Thank you.

A praise!

Something I have desired greatly since I have moved to this area is some solid fellowship. I have found it in a few sparatic individuals but nothing consistant.

In December I started going to this incredible PCA church here in Winston. It is full of broken people who love Jesus and want to know His face. Kinda, exactly what I was looking for. The Lord sovereignly put me by this really outgoing girl and she happens to be a lot like me and really made me feel welcome. Within a few seconds of talking I asked her about their home fellowships and she told me about one that was just about to start and it was going to be led by this older couple who have just recently returned from the mission field!

So tonight I return from my second night of home fellowship and boy is it that! I just wanted to share with you guys, the uh... 1 of you who read :) the joy I feel for this bountiful provision of our King. He is so sweet to provide in this way in such a broken and deep season of my walk.

He is good.

She don't need an apology for being who She is

Derek and Sandra were meant to be, this is true.

I love the lyrics to this song, the truths that pour in and out of each line bring my soul great encouragement when I am the most joyful and when I am the most distraught.

Nobody Loves Me (But You)
Derek Webb

i can always tell a liar
and i always know a thief
i know them like my family
because brother i’m the chief
i’m a dangerous crusader
because i need to tell the truth
so i’m turning over tables
i’m my own living room

then i might nail indictments up
on every door in town
because it’s not right or safe to let my conscience down
so i don’t care if...

(chorus)
nobody loves me, nobody loves me
nobody loves me but you

the truth is never sexy
so it’s not an easy sell
you can dress her like the culture
but she’ll shock ‘em just as well
because she don’t need an apology for being who she is

and she don’t need your help making enemies
so i don’t care if...

(chorus)
i’ll do whatever it takes to squeeze us into this wedding gown
i’ll say the words that rattle your nerves
words like sin and faith alone




I think one of the most clever lines in this song is "she don't need an apology for being who She is" ...Truth that is. Why do we feel the great need to apoligize for the greatest thing someone could ever realize-we are dying, and someone saved us from our death. And not just someone, but the only One who could. The Gospel is simiple and I am coming to see and believe more daily yet its implications are deep and call us to forsake everything... and gain everything.

Why do we not want the truth? The truth has been a rather inconvience to me lately. The part about me not being what I want to be when I want to be it in my own strength. However, this is also such good news because when I get over myself, I can rejoice in the more significant truth that Christ came to give me life and give it so that I might live in Him abundantly; far more abundant than I could have known life could be without Him. I am thankful for understanding depravity (mine namely) to even a small extent so that I might be able to grasp more fully the signficance of God's perfection. I am coming to appreciate the new creature He is making me through His son. Though its not who I thought I would be, nor even who I might have chosen to be, its who HE is making me to be... which is far more significant and valuable than anything I could have conjured up in my own strength.

Thanks Be to our King that His thoughts are not ours and His ways our not ours as He tells us in Isiah 55:8.